Charges possible in dental office meltdown

A 44-year old Mount Horeb man may face charges for what authorities are calling a "total meltdown" at a village dental office this morning.

According to witnesses, Ray Anderson leapt screaming from a hygienist's chair, where his regular six month checkup was being performed. Ripping the spit bib from his chest, Anderson shrieked "How the (expletive) can you (expletive) people stand listening to this light FM (expletive) all day?"

It appeared that his agitation was piqued when Little River Band's "Cool Change" was followed in rapid succession by Men at Work's "Down Under", with the Elton John and Kiki Dee duet "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" finally driving him to a state described as "bug eyed insanity."

"It's not right!" Anderson screamed as he stomped out of the office, his lower molars still plaque coated. "Check the Geneva Convention. You tilt someone back in a chair and make them listen to that (expletive) while someone jabs your gums with a pick? What the (expletive) is that if it's not cruel and unusual?"

Police Chief Snuff Zuckerman said Anderson could face disorderly conduct charges, but admitted that "I doubt any jury in the world would convict him for going nuts over that."

"That song about the vegemite sandwich has made me want to eat my gun more than once," Zuckerman said. "Those guys really sucked, and that flute is just plain annoying."