So at least I've got that going for me.

Birds were twittering outside my window this morning. It's supposed to be 45 degrees later. Spring may finally be in the air.

Yet, having dutifully slogged through the death throes of winter in relatively good health and good spirits, I awoke today with the mother of all head colds.

It's as if someone filled a water balloon to bursting and surgically inserted it into my forehead overnight. I can feel it sloshing and pressing on every nerve ending. About every two minutes, it decides to evacuate itself down my nasal passages before filling right back up and starting the whole cruel process over again.

If I had my druthers, I would have left my bed only to crawl to the couch. I would have pulled a blanket up to my chin, sipped apple juice and watched game shows all day, languorously drifting in-and-out of conciousness until the pressure in my skull mercifully abated.

But I don't have my druthers, do I? I have deadlines to meet and children to coddle. Laundry to launder, and dust to eradicate. An empire to run.

So time to quit whining. Just suck it up, and walk among the good people of earth.

However, if I may share one sliver of advice-impart one tiny nugget of wisdom-which will make it a better day for you and me, it is this: if you happen to see me today, please stay the fuck out of my way. I'm miserable.