I just spent the first hour and a half of my day trying to put together a 100 piece Lego Star Wars spaceship for Miles.
Most of the pieces are the size of ants.
This is day 5 of spring break all-day solo parenting. I have been very patient. I have put up with the messes, the fighting, the incessant demands and the occasional all out temper tantrums with a saintly calm.
I've organized outings, made breakfasts, lunches and dinners, read books, sung songs, done the laundry and kept the house clean. I've been Big Super Fucking Domestic Parental God Type.
So when that little cherub sidled up next to me and told me I was taking too long putting together his goddamned piece of miniature plastic mindfuck, it was all I could do to keep from grabbing the chef's knife and littering the countryside with julienne sliced kid parts.
Instead, I slink to the laptop and share this with you.
But it's only 9:00. And the knife is still in the kitchen.
9 comments:
"goddamned piece of miniature plastic mindfuck" is genius, by the way.
Sometimes you remind me of an angry bear kept back in a cave long after hibernation time is over.
Yes, that's exactly what you remind me of.
I hate spring break.
You know... there's an age limit on those Lego sets. Look at it, then calmly announce "Oh, I'm sorry, you're not old enough for this set yet. We'll have to put it away for a few years."
And if he IS old enough?
Well, they're made for kids. Hand him the instructions and go read a book. In your closet. With the door closed. And locked if possible.
It helps. Trust me.
My partner and brother-in-law spent hours putting together a police boat one Christmas only to have my 3 year old nephew destroy it all with one swift intentional kick.
It wasn't the Millenium Falcon was it? That thing is near to impossible to put together, and I should know! Whe my kids took it apart I was a rabid animal (I am a little extreme about the LEGOS, because I covet them)
That you haven't killed them is most encouraging. I envy your superhuman patience - is it available as prescription?
Someday your reward will come; You will be a GRANDPARENT and you will give the same toy to your children's children. Then you will say, love you, gotta go! but stay just near enough to feel the sweet revenge.... I KNOW. revenge is SA-WEET!.
Peg
I was gonna quote the miniature plastic mindfuck thing but Pare beat me to it. Although it's almost good enough to repeat...
Yeah, it's pretty fucking good.
Right, I just said that I can't keep quoting "The Wind Beneath My Wings" to people. But fuck yeah, I don't even go near legos now - those are for uncles, cousins a.k.a. suckers.
Probably you'll step on one in the middle of the night.
They're right, it was genius. Angry, possibly homocidal genius, but genius nonetheless. I disagree with Pare,though, you kind of remind me of a cat. All passive-agressive and stalkery, with the whole slow masterminding conspiracy to overthrow the household mentality going on.
Ahhh Legos what joy! I just finished the "Imperial Landing Craft" that my 8 year old recieved for his birthday. We started it together in the morning before school. An hour and a half later I said very calmly through my clenched teeth, "How about I finish this while you are at school?" It is now several days later sitting in pieces on his bedroom floor. I love my son, I love my son, I love my son... shh wait...I think it's working.
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