Willie Nelson just came up on shuffle, and this got me to reflecting on our big national holiday tommorrow.
Yup, the 4th o' July here in the US of A is a time to light that big gaudy birthday cake with sparklers and Patriot missiles and wallow in the knowledge that we are the biggest, baddest, brainiest, brawniest kids on the block, even if we're the only ones who think so anymore.
We'll take our "thank you's" in advance for blessing the planet with rock 'n roll, the cheeseburger, and mind-boggling rampant unfettered capitalism. If you don't like it, why don't you just move to France?
I plan to celebrate in the traditional fashion, dressing up as Uncle Sam and spending the morning rolling around on a pile of money. Afterward, I'll kiss the framed copies of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence which hang next to my gun cabinet.
Then I'll probably crank up some Chuck Berry, grill up a big fat burger with a side of freedom fries, and think about kicking some terrorist ass. Which, like most of my countrymen, I'll be way too drunk to actually do by 9pm, but if those bastards try anything before that, trust me-I'll be there with my hand crafted American-made ass kicking boots on.
Wave that flag! And please, drive carefully.
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6 comments:
"Drive carefully." Whatever, dude. Anyone who's a true patriot knows that you got to parades to gorge on candy, then light shit on fire while drinking alcoholic beverages and mooning folk, then drive home 3 miles above the speed limit so the cops don't git ya.
There are so many things wrong with your brain I've stopped counting.
And that is why I stay inside on the Fourth.
Fantastic post, man!
Um, how did you know what it was going to be like at the separate celebration I went to?
I am still with the image of a cake lit by patriot missiles.....
patriot missiles...
how did I never notice THAT before???
Hope you had a good one!!!!
How did I miss this piece?
You make me laugh, Ray! Hope you had a great 4th and kicked some terrorist ass "real good" before hitting the hay at 9 PM.
Bless you, Uncle Sam!
(btw, where does one purchase the money mattress for gratuitous rolling about? inquiring minds, and all that...!)
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