Even a poor man can smile when he has a tasty Stella Artois in hand.
And so, The Mouse smiled and smiled and smiled as he ever so efficiently added our dollars to the towering piles of currency filling his surprisingly well kept warehouse.
You can't come back from Disneyworld and say bad things about Disneyworld. It's just not done. Oh, maybe you can whisper something about the $54 stroller rental, and a kindred spirit will discreetly nod in tacit agreement before their eyes glaze over again from the lingering after-affects of the Disney Happy Drug.
Beyond that, you better just shut your mousehole and thank your lucky stars that at least you picked Florida over EuroDisney, because that 11 hour flight would just end up on the bitch list that you are not allowed to make, anyway.
(You read that right. It cost $54 to rent a double stroller.)
We arrived in Central Florida just as Tropical Storm Fay, that nasty bitch of a hurricane in training, decided to make landfall on our heads for an additional 72 hours. Alas, even this mighty misty mama could not deter the throngs of cash bearing zealots who apparently just could not get enough of standing in interminably long lines and buying fistfuls of grotesque, overpriced trinkets imprinted with the shadowy logo of a cartoon rodent.
For the most part I stumbled the grounds in something of a daze, overwhelmed by the crush of pushy Germans, smelly English and tri-camera wielding Asians, horrible stereotypes brought to life amid the surreal, slightly tacky cardboard wonderland of prepackaged joy. I was dazzled by the pure bug beauty, the ephemeral pastel cotton candy freak show wonder of it all; that is, when I wasn't simply tired and pissed off at being wet and hot and getting jostled at every turn and feeling the money being sucked out of my wallet by a voracious vaccum with no "off" switch.
I tried my best not to make too many discontented Marxist speeches about the sulfurous stench of capitalist greed that filled the air, and tried even harder to push the obnoxious refrain of Toni Basil's "Mickey" out of my brain, where it was stuck for a full day and a half ("Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!")
I tried my best not to make too many discontented Marxist speeches about the sulfurous stench of capitalist greed that filled the air, and tried even harder to push the obnoxious refrain of Toni Basil's "Mickey" out of my brain, where it was stuck for a full day and a half ("Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!")
There were moments of wondrous rapture followed by hours of meandering downtime, bad food and good beer (at an absolute premium), too much time on shuttle buses, a closeup view of a baby giraffe, high highs (the boys being chosen to introduce the 'Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular' in front of an amphitheatre crowd of approximately 400) and low lows (waiting endlessly in line for 'The Aerosmith Rock'n Roller Coaster' only to be told it had shut down due to 'technical difficulties'.)
(I hate fucking Aerosmith.)
A mixed bag. Yes. I'll leave it at that. It was a mixed bag. But if you think we're going back anytime soon, you're a wee bit Goofy.
6 comments:
Stella Artois is a tasty beverage, indeed. I was wondering if you'd finally been brainwashed and not coming back at all!
You have so much more self control than I would - the Marxist commentary would have been unending!
Ugh! Shuddering at the thought of Disney...
At least the beer was good, though exorbitant (what isn't at Disney, really? Rodent memorabilia...another shudder)
Welcome home - I've missed you!
We 're probably going to Euro Disney. Merde.
'money being sucked out of my wallet by a voracious vacuum with no off switch...'
I don't know why I am inanely smiling here having had the same experience. Glad I had a 7 year old who didn't need a stroller though. $54.00!!!!!!!!JFC!
Did you get a description of the attendant for the Larceny Squad? Or wait....did he have these kind of funny round ears.....?????
You're a better man than I, Gunga Din.
I bet we wind up in the rodent's orbit sometime in the next five years.
We finally broke down and took our two kidlets to Disneyland last fall. They were 11 and 7, so it was beginning to seem like a federal crime to them that they hadn't been yet.
No strollers to deal with, thank God!
We actually had a pretty good time, although there were the usual dramas and arguements on any family vacation.
But, I still think back on all the dough we spent and get a little pissy. I think we spent two or three house payments that weekend, damnit.
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